It seems that we ned some laughs or just smiles in our forum, please share your latest with us. here's one I received today, hope you like it:
If you have ever visited Australia, this is the type of easy going humor one finds.
These questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense humor (and either a protective labor contract, easy going bosses or a "devil can have it" attitude about keeping their jobs).
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK.) A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK) A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop outof Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes! But you will have to learn to speak it first! G'day!
What is the difference between a female and a stamp ? - One Fe-male the other is a Mail-fee
So what is the similarity then - ... euh ... I do not want to really say that
"Hé ! bonjour, Monsieur du Corbeau.
Que vous êtes joli ! que vous me semblez beau !
Sans mentir, si votre ramage
Se rapporte à votre plumage,
Vous êtes le Phénix des hôtes de ces bois."
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. > Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, > "CAREFUL! > Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. > TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! > We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? > They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! > You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! > Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? > Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. > Use the salt. > USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" > > The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You > think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" > > The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like > when I'm driving."
Here's a little contribution to bring a smile on your faces, at least I hope. First a classic, a lawyer joke, racy but we're all grown ups here :
<<The scene is in the jungle. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.
After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.
After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What the hell's matter with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth.">>
And finally something to watch, a little nugget from Jon Stewart :
chargement...
