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How Do I find love and get married If I Live Overseas?
m
21 January 2008 17:39
How do I find love if I am so far away from the homeland and would like to fall in love and marry a Moroccan? To many people, I have everything a young man needs to settle down: education, career, money, looks, good family, good heart, great sense of humor. Why am I still single? something that really bothers me, I do not enjoy this lifestyle anymore, there is emptiness in me because of this. I tried the online thing, not much came out of it, most Moroccan girls do not post their pictures. There aren't many Moroccans where I live. When I go home, I don't get to meet girls in such short vacations. I am sure if I ask the family to get involved, they would cherry-pick the perfect girl, and they have been bugging me with this lately. I just don't want to marry 'the perfect girl' without having feelings for her and then get married. What if I end up marrying someone through family connections and then find out the marriage is friend-friend marriage. It's a 50-50 chance, you may fall in love and everything you've ever wished for ends up happening but you also run the risk that the relationship may not turn out to be what you've wished for. What do I do?

I am at my prime age-wise and I'm afraid if this doesn't happen in the near future, I'm going to find myself alone. Do I just settle and ask the family to find me the 'perfect girl'? Do I just settle and find a non-Moroccan and run the risk that the odds of success are not that great? Do I stay single knowing no happiness will ever come out of it?

The only thing that I unfortunately cannot accept is a girl who has been with other men. In other words, virginity and the girl's prior experiences are a huge deal for me.

Your advice would be greatly appreciated.
l
21 January 2008 18:04
Tu te trompe de forum Messieur (tm)
j
21 January 2008 18:44
Hello Maroc2000,

I'm afraid that nobody here can help you because first of all, you speak English and therefore the answers are limited cause not everybody are English speakers, and then, you only you have to decide about your relationship , for me, family connections will be a good way to marry you. You have to understand that the "perfect girl" as you said does Not exist, if she is good, virgen, bent nass, kind, marry her, love can come after marriage. You can know each other well in the day to day life, sharing experiences.
Well, im not telling you to marry the first perfect girl your parents introduced you, no but you can talk with her and its in this way you can figure her out and disover her manners.
Anyway, i wish you good luck in your search for love and happiness , may Allah gives you what you want ameen Smiling Smiley
l
22 January 2008 12:50
hi,

you just subscribe in a dating site, and sick for morrocan girl,

good luck
a
23 January 2008 16:44
try a mosque failing that on another thread a pakky is offering two for one. kind of buy one get one free; buy two and you are sorted for your weekly curry.

\\\////

wear Adidas you never know
Y
24 January 2008 06:21
I have friends who are in similar situations and they are very picky! if you don't mind my saying;that's why they are alone! Though nothing wrong with Alone, it can be good. Try E-harmony, just kidding!
One thing I think I know, there's no garrantee when it comes to intentions and Ras bnadam...Good luck
I
25 January 2008 03:05
Frerot.
Il ne faut jamais oublier que les parents veulent une tradition musulmane et toi tu es undecidé: couper la corde Embellique et coisir pour toi même ou te pleindre. Qui á part toiu peut chercher et trouver cer que tu cherches? reveilles toi et continue a prendre les choses entre tes mains.
Conseil gratuit.
m
25 January 2008 03:41
Jolie_marocaine - Thanks for your response. "love can come after marriage": You do realize that having a romantic vibe is not something guaranteed if you don't know someone real well. I am afraid of getting married and being with someone based on 'al3achra' as opposed to love. Thanks for the advice though.

luna82 - no luck so far, most want to play and I don't have time for that and the others don't even have pics posted and I feel weird sending an email to someone if I don't know how they look like.

adds- I'll pass, thanks for the offer. Ideally, I'd like to stick with my own kind - moroccan women only.

Yani - for me, in order to be picky is when I have many options and 'tantechrrett'. In my case, I don't work with moroccans, I don't live with them, and I don't interact with them, so meeting them is non-existent. I have to have options to be picky, right. Haad sa3a, mal9eet 7tta wa7da baacch 3ad netcherret.

Interprete - you gave your opinion but didn't talk about a solution. What are you exactly saying? There is a difference between theory and practice.
b
25 January 2008 20:16
Hello..
I am sorry if my english is not very well .Well,I just want to say that if you are looking for a perfect girl that 's hard to find is like you water in sand .Well,you can give a choice to your family as one if the guys here says.I just wanna let you know that parents passed by the same experience ,my mom she never sees before my dad untill they got married ,and after that they tried to know each other and they shared experienced .well,acrually they are happy .
Friend,if you are looking for what you want ,just keep working on that and I am sure that you will achieve it .
Gooooood luck and hopefuly to hear very good news from you .
Mohamed
s
26 January 2008 10:39
Maroc20000, if u accept my advice, leave it for destiny, your energy will surely interfere with the energy of the right girl for you, though she's even far from u, and you'll meet her sooner or later.
cuz it's a thing about feelings, the most beautiful thing, is when it comes spontaneously...
don't do the same error as my little sister, she got married recently with someone of our family cuz his parents wanted them to marry...3 months later, it became completely a hell for both of them, cuz the way they think and see things is different + this man didn't know how to treat a little girl that has no experience in life, he's used to go out with All kinds u can imagine as he's addicted to night clubs(he showed an other face before marriage!)...now she's with her parents and will meet him in court in 2weeks to divorce, and guess what , she's still virgin!
i think family connection can be used just to get acquainted but you'd better chose for yourself, not to let them chose for you or suggest to u then u blame them later... prends tes choses en main! conseil de grande soeur.
good luck!
Fati
I
26 January 2008 13:29
Grow-up first
m
26 January 2008 21:51
sunsetmoon - Thanks. Just to clarify, when I said 'family connections', I never meant marrying someone I don't know anything about whatsoever. All the family is doing for you is the introduction and it is up to you to take it from there. I still think it is a little bit too formal for me because you only get to know someone for a short period of time and then you immediately start discussing the future, there really isn't going to be love involved at that stage of the relationship. It's going to be mostly sharing interests, needs, future plans, compatibality, chemistry..etc.

Sorry to hear about what happened to your sister.
a
27 January 2008 23:12
salam

may i ask where you are- from you're introduction you seem to be in the new continent .
Il faut se garder de trois fautes : parler sans y être invité, ce qui est impertinence ; ne pas parler quand on y est invité, ce qui est de la dissimulation ; parler sans observer les réactions de l'autre, ce qui est de l'aveuglement. [Confucius]
a
28 January 2008 16:16
He is from Eljadida; they are always looking to get married to someone new.

\\\///
Adidas
I
29 January 2008 13:54
maroc20000,

even you know perfectly a girl (or a man for girls) there is no garrantee that she/he'll be the perfect one....I think when the time comes you will find the "right" girl...it's a matter of time and I believe a matter of luck as well......
R
29 January 2008 20:32
PerplexeMaroc20000

When it comes to relationship with girls You are so choooooosy you will end up an old man living alone,until the neighbours start smelling foul smell coming from your home and then, there you are lying in the kitchen as a rotten cadavreEye popping smiley
You have been too long living on your own,you will find it difficult to start sharing food,love,time,etc..then again you are a spoilt only child who wants his walid and walida to make decisions for him.No No
Have you ever questioned your sexuality? may be you are Gay!!In love
Just deal with itMoody Smiley



Edited 5 time(s). Last edit at 01/31/2008 01:39 by Rachidhino.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
a
31 January 2008 01:50
Rachidhino

it is nicer to read jokes or funny staff, even teasing one another could be much fun if it has no personal attacks in it. you started your post ok and sadly you ended it bitterly.

Regads
\\\///
Adidas respect Best
d
5 February 2008 00:14
Hey, how old are you ? i'm 18 and i'm looking for love too, but dude ! you must understand that you can look for sex but you can't look for love. Love just comes like that man, i suggest you just get out with the women in your area, you are actually being picky if you want to marry just one type of women.

To the above post, there is nothing wrong with being gay !
l
5 February 2008 13:34
Hi Maroc20000

Where do you live?

there are an awful lot of Moroccan girls in London looking for love and can't find it

all the best
H
8 February 2008 19:03
Salam all,

To Add, interprete and rachidhino,

It's not funny guys, the man is serious, asking for advice from his kinsmen and all you could do is joke..
the one of with the "grow-up first" post hit it, but he should have said to all of you... it is always the same problem in moroccan forums, people always remind us of our problems of communication..what you said is not smart nor intelligent nor amusing nor helping..You give the impression we are standing frass derb teasing each other and waiting for Zouaka...

salam Maroc 20000

I'm not pretending i have a magical ring, as i am in the same situation as you Smoking smiley, probably worse, and as the famous moroccan proverb say "koun lkhoukh idawi koun dawa rassou" Smiling Smiley
As for your choice to marry only a moroccan lady, after all it's your choice, you can broaden the scope of your target (sorry for this commercial expression), and look for a muslim lady, in case relgion is what first matters to you..personally i think that religion is more important that nationality
In case you want to find the right lady (and you will inchallah) without help from your family, well as you surely know, iy would be easier if you start making friends from everywhere and keep talking about it
(and ignoring hide&seekers Winking smiley) and it will work inchallah
As far as family is concerned, i really think that all the roads lead to rome, why not, It could work but give yourself time to know the lady and don't tell them to call when the 3amaria is ready...
One more thing, if you are a believer, try consultation prayer (salat l'istikhara), it's a prayer that can help when one is doesn't know what to do or hesitant about some matter...
wish you all the best of luck

Salam
m
9 February 2008 00:11
lalasouriante
jolie_marocaine
luna82
Yani
bouyamed
sunsetmoon
aela.91
Ilhem2
lalamerryem
Hicham_A

Thank you all. Your comments are very much appreciated and well taken. I just find it fascinating how sometimes decisions we make as kids can affect us for the rest of our lives. We sometimes don't know the ramifications of certain choices we make when we're a lot youner. Only if I knew then what I know now.
s
16 February 2008 00:16
hi brother
what are you talking about is really interesting,but unfortunately most of guys and girls think that life is just to have fun and to enjoy the life every new day with a new person.
Nobody accept the fact that the most amyzing an joyful life is the one whene you can build your own little castle with love, respect, understanding and religion!!
but hamdolilah it stills some minority like you who would like to live the real life, the only some comment about your reject of non virgin girls,you must know that some girls may lose their virginity by some simple acts, i know some situation where some girls lost their virginity where they were kids, so we should not judge books by their titles, you should focus in the inside of the person, her mentality, her principales, character,and many other things wich are more important, i know many girls who are wearing scraf'motahajibat" but they make devile acts, they don't respect their religion and u may find them every day with a man just for money and pleasure, but they pay attention not to lose their virginity, so u think that they are the goods and perfects while it's just a lie.
remeber nobody is perfect
you are not perfect
i'm not perfect
only god is perfect
so try to focus in what is really important, you are wasting time, and losing time when you can spend nice moment with your wife or may be your kids

tewakal 3la allah, wedireha f yad allh you'll never be dissapointed!!!
try to have a look at this site: it's nice;www.singlemuslim,COM
GOOD LUCK
m
17 February 2008 02:40
spiritual_beam,
Thanks much. Maybe I chose the wrong term when I described 'the virginity' condition. To me, the physical condition is meaningless, I guess what I meant was a girl's history as opposed to her virginity. Without dwelling into details, I am hoping you see where I'm going with this. I just cannot fall in love and spend the rest of my life with someone who's been with other men. This doesn't mean, all these girls, who have no history, are angels and by the same token does not mean the girls who fail this condition are no good. Indeed, I know a lot of them who fail that condition and they are absolutely great but we all have our own little struggles and for me this is something that I cannot get over, although I wish I could. Having that piece of mind, and I'm only speaking for myslef, is priceless and I just happen to fall in that category of men.
h
20 February 2008 17:00
Hi Maroc2000;

You're not the only one having that problem brother. Like spiritual_beam says: A majority of girls nowadays like to have as many relations as possible, while losing her virginity in the way. That's a fact. We used to say: I want to marry a virgin girl. Now we say: I want to marry a girl who did not have a lot of friends. Winking smiley

Both men and women are not living the Islamic way anymore. A minority of people like you, who wants to be serious, don't like to play with the feelings of girls, searching for the perfect girl end up with a girl they didn't wish for or a girl full of lies.

The only thing you can do is ask your family in the country where you're living. If you ask for family in Morocco, they will end up finding a girl they think is innocent, bent ennas etc...But I'm speaking from my own experiences: dont trust that. I've seen a lot of girls once they were engaged to someone overseas they started acting crazy. The man was not around so who cares? That's what their sick mind is telling them.
If you insist to have one from Morocco I suggest to take a long vacation. Just to know her better and to know if she's after you or after the papers and Europe/America etc...

Well like I said, one your family connects you with a girl, don't start thinking she's the girl you will marry. Think of her just like a good friend and see for yourself if your feelings are getting stronger or not. If not, just tell your family the truth, as long as you behave as a gentleman and don't do anything wrong with her, the family will understand that and start looking for someone else.

Above all: Give it time and please forget things like: Her to be with other men or virginity. Start loving her from the moment you meet her and she's yours. Don't even bother asking about her history. Every girl nowadays has a history of some kind with another man. This is just the world we're living in bro.

Wish you all the best.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/20/2008 05:11 by hitman.
m
20 February 2008 19:09
Hitman,
I agree with you and I try to stay optimistic. I guess both men and women fall in many many different categories. I know the girls who you are talking about and I don’t try to judge anyone, I believe everyone should do what makes them happy and they should live for themselves and not live for me or what I think is right. At the end of the day, a lot of ‘players’, be it men or women, do what they do and a lot of them would all like to find happiness and love at some point in their lives. I don’t think people are born evil. Sometimes ‘dourouf’ makes people who they are and I try to be understanding. A lot of girls have found themselves sucked into the party lifestyle and some probably regret it. Some have had love-based relationships that have led to marriage and some have had their hearts broken. Some have found themselves on the streets and nightclubs. And the list goes on. I try not to judge anyone and I wish we all find what we look for one day. I would hate to sound like a Saint because I’m not and I don’t think I’m perfect either.

For a long period of time, I used to think exactly the way you are thinking, that what I was looking for does not exist. I found out I was wrong because you would be AMAZED how many girls do actually fall in the category I am looking for (Moroccan, beautiful, educated, somewhat religions (not necessarily practicing), well-off family, speaks English, and most importantly a heart of gold with a twist of shyness. That’s in addition to the one condition I previously mentioned). The only problem is love. I want all those things but I’m not willing to sacrifice love for all the above preferences in a woman. Some people say there is not such thing as the perfect person for someone. I tend to disagree, I think there is such a thing as long as we are not asking for the moon. I think what I’m looking for exists and by huge numbers, the only problem is ‘finding it’.

Everyone has their own personal experiences and some of those experiences shape the way we see the world, including myself, some place more weight on certain things than others and I guess people are different and we are all human after all. I wish I had the magic ball. Although I try to be considerate as much as I can, sometimes I unintentionally hurt some girls’ feelings when I tell them what I am really looking for especially when they do not fit what I am looking for in a woman. On the other hand, the same thing has happened to me, I may not fit someone else’s preferences and I know the feeling is a not fun feeling, it somewhat stings. I wish I knew of a better way to describe this without hurting someone’s feelings.

I think good points were made. I am going to give this some more time to see if I can find what I’m looking for haphazardly. Once I exhaust that option, I will spread the word among family and friends. Maybe a period of time getting to know each and maybe take it to step two if there is a connection. It’s going to be different than falling in love with someone randomly but it sure is better than being single. I really hope that love would come after that. (I’ll be crossing my fingers).

To comment on your last note, trust me my friend, I’ve never ‘t3addeet 3ala bnaat naas and left them hanging”. I’ve never been like that.
h
20 February 2008 20:07
Quote
maroc20000
Hitman,
I agree with you and I try to stay optimistic...

You sound exactly like me. I know that a lot of girls have some "dorof" as you said. Poverty is the most important one. I don't judge them either. I try to be comprehensive and even defend them to people who are judging them. There are as you said also some girls who lost their heart to a man and he broke it. After that they will try to avenge themselves by letting men loving them and then break their hearts. I've known such girls too. And the category of girls who are lead by her friends. She just do whatever her friends are doing and regret that at a later time. I know all of that. But when visiting Morocco in the summer each year, I see girls forgetting about their heritage and following the American way.

Don't get me wrong: I still don't judge them. It just make me sick to see a woman with veil and all walking on the street with a girl wearing (a lot of) make up and jeans leaving no room for imagination of what's behind the clothes. When you try to speak to the mother, she will only say that if her daughter will not do such things, she'll never get married. Picture if you will...

Quote

For a long period of time, I used to think exactly the way you are thinking, that what I was looking for does not exist...

You get me wrong, I don't think what I'm looking for does not exist. I'm sure of the fact that there is a girl somewhere who is meant to be my wife. The problem is like you said: "Finding her". Everytime I think I found her, something happens. And it's been like that for the past 8 years. But I'm still optimistic and I know I will find her. Just don't give up!

Quote

Everyone has their own personal experiences and some of those experiences shape the way we see the world, including myself...

Exactly! Good point you have there. I said also many times no to girls who were interested in a relationship. I tried not to hurt their feelings. But the same thing happened to me with other girls who said no to me. Everyone of us had an experience of this kind. I don't hate all girls because one, two or three of them said no to me. I always remember the words of god: "Wa 3asa an takrahoena shay2ane, wa hoewa khayroen lakoem." And I found out in all cases that I was better off without the girls I was interested in. There will be one girl who will say yes inshallah. Just give it time and lay your hope on Allah (swt).

Quote

I think good points were made. I am going to give this some more time to see if I can find what I’m looking for haphazardly. Once I exhaust that option, I will spread the word among family and friends. Maybe a period of time getting to know each and maybe take it to step two if there is a connection. It’s going to be different than falling in love with someone randomly but it sure is better than being single. I really hope that love would come after that. (I’ll be crossing my fingers).

To comment on your last note, trust me my friend, I’ve never ‘t3addeet 3ala bnaat naas and left them hanging”. I’ve never been like that.

I wish you all the best! And I'm just like you. Never played with feelings of girls or whatever, but many of them played with mine. But God sees everything. I don't judge them, he will. Winking smiley

Salam!
x
4 March 2008 23:24
If I were you I'll start with getting an appointment with a psychologist, I found many inconsistancies in your statments:
Why are you looking exclusively for a moroccan if not somehow to please your family ?
But pleasing the family will not get you to the point to accept any designated candidate ?
As regards virginity and as you seem to consider it a pre-requisite, let me tell you that all girls nowdays are virgin, you only have to wait 2 to 3 days and everything is as new as it used to be when they are born.
You are not looking for a girl to love and to marry, you are looking for an ideal dream, then grow-up first as someone has already advised.
m
5 March 2008 03:18
"Why are you looking exclusively for a moroccan if not somehow to please your family ? "
1) The last time I checked, inter-cultural marriages had a divorce rate of 80%.
2) I don't want my kids to be mixed-race, mixed-religion, mixed-whatever.
3) 'compatibility': The more compatible a couple is, the higher the chances for success: language, education, religion, personality...etc

"As regards virginity and as you seem to consider it a pre-requisite, let me tell you that all girls nowdays are virgin, you only have to wait 2 to 3 days and everything is as new as it used to be when they are born."

I did clarify that condition in a later post saying the physical condition was irrelevant, I was more talking about the girl's past.

Please try to discuss without personal attacks on people, you have to understand that people are different and not everyone sees the world the way you see it. Some people have preferrences and requirements when it comes to 'LIFELONG' commitments. So yes, marrying a Moroccan or a Muslim is a no-brainer for me. I may have made a mistake bringing this up in my initial post as some folks have focused on that topic only. The purpose of the post was how do you meet someone from your homeland when you live so far away and you're not necessarily part of the Moroccan society anymore. As far as requirements and preferences are concerned, that's a topic I will save for later.
x
5 March 2008 13:36
Thanks sweetheart for the wonderful message you dropped on my PM, I'm emotionally touched, it tells me again a lot of why you are so lonely,
quote :'' You wanna come say that to my face so I can break your mother @#$%& neck.''.
I tried to help with my advise, but I'm compiled to insist that you really need to see a doctor, but no worries, worse than you got over it.
p
5 March 2008 13:50
maroc20000

A lots was sayed some spot on some just blah blah , to answer you question i will say it depends where you are & i guess most of places now have a Moroccan community & since you looking for one its a good place to start ,i hear you do not have Moroccans around you but you could start looking for them ....
Also in europe a lots of Moroccans speak in English all over ,UK,Holland,France .....
As for finding a nice virgin Moroccan girl in Morocco i guess we all have more of change getting the lottery !
We believe in destiny too ,so enjoy you life while you can ,being single has its blessings !

Good luck
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